The Filthy Being I've Become
It was so cold in that old house in the middle of nowhere. The house itself was run down and nearing the end of it's long existence. The house was perfect at representing the entire town. A giant dump. I loved that house though. It was so big, with alot of rooms, and several bathrooms.
I was always pulling the blankets closer to my chest and rolling on the floor to create a cacoon of blankets for myself. It kept me the warmest possible, but it was always such a scary feeling knowing that I was so vulnerable in that position. It was even worse with the darkness factor included. We had lost power weeks ago and were struggling to keep up with the changing seasons.
It was always so quiet. My mother was barely speaking anymore. She had a puzzled look upon her face as I asked,
"I'm going to the store. Do you need anything?"
She just shook her head with a confused stare. It seemed as if all of our misfortunes had left her abandoning hope that our situation would get better. The walks to the store were becoming more and more unbearable everyday with the temperature decreasing as fast as it was. It was a mile walk to the store from my house, but it never seemed like it took very long.
My shirt and pants were stained severly in several areas as I walked into the R & M IGA. I hadn't been able to do my laundry in almost a month, but as people stared more and more at me I knew it was the dirt on my face that was drawing my attention. My lack of showering over the past weeks had made me the filthy being I had become. No running water, no heat, and no electricity had made me the filthy being I had become.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Week 3
The broken pieces of cement scatter as I walk accross this busted up sidewalk. Time had slowly taken the life from that sidewalk and made walking on it a burden. I almost slip as I try to hop off due to the displeasure of it in first place. More pieces of cement scatter closer to the road side as I successfully attempt to regain my balance and not bust my ass.
The branches of the trees hovering over my head, as I walk past the several trees they're attached to, are so close to my head that I am able to grab a small one and rip it off. I do that often when walking through that particular stretch of sidewalk. I snap tiny branches off of the trees to twiddle between each of my fingers in a sychronized fashion to keep myself occupied as my venture continues on.
As the amusement of my tiny branch fades I find myself trying to rip a leaf from the trees alongside the road. I like to rip apart the leaves in a way that only the veins of the leaf are still left. One after another each leaf I grab. By the end of my journey I will have made an interesting bracelet out of my leaf veins.
I place my new leaf vein bracelet around my wrist as I hit the rocky driving leading to my destination. The first steps engages me onto the final stretch to where I need to be. Lots and lots of rocks lye under my feet as I avoid the several apples that have fallen from the big apple trees scattered about the side of the rock path. Sometimes I kick them up the path for fun and amusement while I near the end of my journey.
Finally I reach the driveway of my mother's house. Walking up to the front door I notice several deer in the field behind my mother's house. They are always coming around because of the large amount of apples scattered around the path. They find them in the field often after my brother and I throw out there while we are bored. In a way, watching them eat them from the field, it feels like i'm purposely feeding them.
The branches of the trees hovering over my head, as I walk past the several trees they're attached to, are so close to my head that I am able to grab a small one and rip it off. I do that often when walking through that particular stretch of sidewalk. I snap tiny branches off of the trees to twiddle between each of my fingers in a sychronized fashion to keep myself occupied as my venture continues on.
As the amusement of my tiny branch fades I find myself trying to rip a leaf from the trees alongside the road. I like to rip apart the leaves in a way that only the veins of the leaf are still left. One after another each leaf I grab. By the end of my journey I will have made an interesting bracelet out of my leaf veins.
I place my new leaf vein bracelet around my wrist as I hit the rocky driving leading to my destination. The first steps engages me onto the final stretch to where I need to be. Lots and lots of rocks lye under my feet as I avoid the several apples that have fallen from the big apple trees scattered about the side of the rock path. Sometimes I kick them up the path for fun and amusement while I near the end of my journey.
Finally I reach the driveway of my mother's house. Walking up to the front door I notice several deer in the field behind my mother's house. They are always coming around because of the large amount of apples scattered around the path. They find them in the field often after my brother and I throw out there while we are bored. In a way, watching them eat them from the field, it feels like i'm purposely feeding them.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Week 2
"Seagull Eye"
It's funny how much enjoyment you can gather from watching a bunch of crazy birds do their daily routines. My friends and I sat in Ruby's car eating hamburgers and fries as a down pour was occuring. We tossed out french fries here and there out the windows to watch the seagulls flying over us scatter to the ground of the pier and fight for the french fries. It's not like any other fight, you see beaks flying at the fry, trying to grab it, and fly away before the other competitors get ahold of it. A single french fry could be sitting there for a good forty-five seconds while three or four seagulls all jock for position to nab their delightful little snack.
Seagulls where I live would remind you of vultures where some others live. They feed off whatever they can find and when a visitor or tourists comes in town they eat what the visitors toss to them. The seagulls where I live are ugly too! Their feathers are stained by all sorts of brown discolorations. When you think of seeing a seagull you'd picture it to be white with some greyish and black areas on it. Not where I live. They are all nasty brown colored like they bath in the mud.
Watching a seagull or any bird alone bathe is quite the site. They stick their faces and heads in the water and shake it around. Back and forth mutiple times dunking it in, shaking it around, and then pulling it back out to repeat the same steps over and over again. You can become mesmorized by enjoyment when watching it happen.
It would be quite extravagant to see what the seagulls see as they fly over the ocean. Even the view from their nests must be a nice one. To soar over the ocean like they do and take in all the scenery as they see it would be interesting to me.
It's funny how much enjoyment you can gather from watching a bunch of crazy birds do their daily routines. My friends and I sat in Ruby's car eating hamburgers and fries as a down pour was occuring. We tossed out french fries here and there out the windows to watch the seagulls flying over us scatter to the ground of the pier and fight for the french fries. It's not like any other fight, you see beaks flying at the fry, trying to grab it, and fly away before the other competitors get ahold of it. A single french fry could be sitting there for a good forty-five seconds while three or four seagulls all jock for position to nab their delightful little snack.
Seagulls where I live would remind you of vultures where some others live. They feed off whatever they can find and when a visitor or tourists comes in town they eat what the visitors toss to them. The seagulls where I live are ugly too! Their feathers are stained by all sorts of brown discolorations. When you think of seeing a seagull you'd picture it to be white with some greyish and black areas on it. Not where I live. They are all nasty brown colored like they bath in the mud.
Watching a seagull or any bird alone bathe is quite the site. They stick their faces and heads in the water and shake it around. Back and forth mutiple times dunking it in, shaking it around, and then pulling it back out to repeat the same steps over and over again. You can become mesmorized by enjoyment when watching it happen.
It would be quite extravagant to see what the seagulls see as they fly over the ocean. Even the view from their nests must be a nice one. To soar over the ocean like they do and take in all the scenery as they see it would be interesting to me.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Nature
Battle in the Atlantic
It was a day just like any other within my apartment when my alarm clock rang to wake me for work. I sat at my kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal while I watched the rain pour so hard that my hometown roads began to become invisible under the puddles of water. I could hear the wind howling in anger and it no longer seemed like any other day.
The honk came as my ride had arrived to pick me up and car pool to work. As I walked down the front stairs and proceded towards the car I could feel myself becoming quickly drenched by the rain drops that seemed like they were shooting from the sky straight at me.
"Looks like we are going to have fun today!" I said to my uncle
"Yeah, I doubt we will be out very long." He replied
I wasn't much of a talker on the ride to work. I usually fell to sleep for the hour ride there. Still with the rain hitting the windshield louder than ever and the wind whistling like crazy it was very difficult to fall asleep.
As we reached the work site we noticed everybody running to the dock very quickly in apparent desperation. Not even thinking about what could have been wrong my uncle and I quickly jumped out of the car, put our wet suits on, and ran toward the pier.
"The Kendall Brooke has sank!" Everyone was shouting.
The Kendall Brooke belonged to the crew that worked at the site right next to ours. As many men rushed to the safety of the boat it would be too late before they finally reached the Kendall Brooke. I stood and watched as my head boss stamped by me muttering a hundred curse words a minute with several men from the crew owning the boat following.
"Okay there's nothing to see here. Get ready to load up the Atlantic and check out the sites before the storm gets worse." Said my manager
So we all continued about our buisiness and readied the Atlantic, which was the biggest boat in the harbor, to go out and check the sites before calling it a day. The closer we got to setting out on the Atlantic the worse the storm got. When we were finally all ready to set out to check out sites the wake from the open water was looking very dangerous, but it had to be done. NO MATTER WHAT.
As we passed through the harbor barriers and hit the open water the boat began to rock and drift all over the place. The waves rising up to 10-13 feet with the 50-60 MPH winds hitting us every second. Still miles between us and our several destinations the tension in the air could be seen as clear as the thousand rain drops falling every second. When we finally reached the first site and checked it out a loud message began broadcasting over the radio of the Atlantic. The head manager was screaming for us to hurry back to the harbor for the storm was getting too intense.
We hurried to begin out journey back to shore when a wave bigger than anything I have ever seen came into view heading straight for us. The captain of the Atlantic did what anybody would have done and began heading straight at the huge wave to help brace some of the impact. As the wave came crashing into us everybody held on to the railings of the boat as hard as the possibly could. As the wave passed a new sound other then the loud whistling of the wind began to fill the air. The screaming of a grown man for help. It was near impossible to hear where exactly it was coming from until another co-worker discovered the man hanging off the edge of the boat screaming for his life. As we arrived back to the harbor with alot more than just the storm on our minds. We had nearly lost a fellow co-worker and friend to the Atlantic Ocean that day, but in the end of the battle between the the Atlantic and the Atlantic. A bunch of grown men who stuck together came out the victors of the battle!
It was a day just like any other within my apartment when my alarm clock rang to wake me for work. I sat at my kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal while I watched the rain pour so hard that my hometown roads began to become invisible under the puddles of water. I could hear the wind howling in anger and it no longer seemed like any other day.
The honk came as my ride had arrived to pick me up and car pool to work. As I walked down the front stairs and proceded towards the car I could feel myself becoming quickly drenched by the rain drops that seemed like they were shooting from the sky straight at me.
"Looks like we are going to have fun today!" I said to my uncle
"Yeah, I doubt we will be out very long." He replied
I wasn't much of a talker on the ride to work. I usually fell to sleep for the hour ride there. Still with the rain hitting the windshield louder than ever and the wind whistling like crazy it was very difficult to fall asleep.
As we reached the work site we noticed everybody running to the dock very quickly in apparent desperation. Not even thinking about what could have been wrong my uncle and I quickly jumped out of the car, put our wet suits on, and ran toward the pier.
"The Kendall Brooke has sank!" Everyone was shouting.
The Kendall Brooke belonged to the crew that worked at the site right next to ours. As many men rushed to the safety of the boat it would be too late before they finally reached the Kendall Brooke. I stood and watched as my head boss stamped by me muttering a hundred curse words a minute with several men from the crew owning the boat following.
"Okay there's nothing to see here. Get ready to load up the Atlantic and check out the sites before the storm gets worse." Said my manager
So we all continued about our buisiness and readied the Atlantic, which was the biggest boat in the harbor, to go out and check the sites before calling it a day. The closer we got to setting out on the Atlantic the worse the storm got. When we were finally all ready to set out to check out sites the wake from the open water was looking very dangerous, but it had to be done. NO MATTER WHAT.
As we passed through the harbor barriers and hit the open water the boat began to rock and drift all over the place. The waves rising up to 10-13 feet with the 50-60 MPH winds hitting us every second. Still miles between us and our several destinations the tension in the air could be seen as clear as the thousand rain drops falling every second. When we finally reached the first site and checked it out a loud message began broadcasting over the radio of the Atlantic. The head manager was screaming for us to hurry back to the harbor for the storm was getting too intense.
We hurried to begin out journey back to shore when a wave bigger than anything I have ever seen came into view heading straight for us. The captain of the Atlantic did what anybody would have done and began heading straight at the huge wave to help brace some of the impact. As the wave came crashing into us everybody held on to the railings of the boat as hard as the possibly could. As the wave passed a new sound other then the loud whistling of the wind began to fill the air. The screaming of a grown man for help. It was near impossible to hear where exactly it was coming from until another co-worker discovered the man hanging off the edge of the boat screaming for his life. As we arrived back to the harbor with alot more than just the storm on our minds. We had nearly lost a fellow co-worker and friend to the Atlantic Ocean that day, but in the end of the battle between the the Atlantic and the Atlantic. A bunch of grown men who stuck together came out the victors of the battle!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Introduction
My parents always expected more out of me then my younger siblings. They always told me and still do to this day that I will be somebody one day. My siblings however have always taken different paths through life. My brother went straight to work after high school. My sister decided to settle down and have kids. I have never been the type to settle down. I am very energetic and full of life. I enjoy trying new things every day. So, I left my hometown where my siblings stayed and ventured away to continue my education.
Life for me hasn't always been as sweet as cake and ice cream. Several years ago when I was still a minor I was placed into foster care for some very unfavoring acts committed by my parents. Foster care wasn't a pretty site for me, but lucky for me I wasn't in custody for as long as my siblings. I was lucky and got to go live with my grandparents while my siblings unfortunately were left in foster care.
I've grown and learned alot about myself as well as life since being in foster care. I've learned that you can't change everything and that somethings are better off left in the past. You can't reach out to everyone, because some are unwilling to participate and help make change.
I'm 22 years old and feel like i'm 50. So much is expected of me from my family and my biggest fear of disappointment still lingers everywhere I go. I don't know what i'd do if I wasn't in school right now. I didn't start straight out of high school and for the whole duration of the year I took off I kept feeling like something in my life was unfullfilled or missing. When I finally came to my senses and realized that I was wasting the all the potential I had built from previous years of schooling I decided to apply for college. Still everywhere I go I feel this burden waying me down. I don't want to mess up and disappoint everyone in my family when they all think and I know that I can do this.
Life for me hasn't always been as sweet as cake and ice cream. Several years ago when I was still a minor I was placed into foster care for some very unfavoring acts committed by my parents. Foster care wasn't a pretty site for me, but lucky for me I wasn't in custody for as long as my siblings. I was lucky and got to go live with my grandparents while my siblings unfortunately were left in foster care.
I've grown and learned alot about myself as well as life since being in foster care. I've learned that you can't change everything and that somethings are better off left in the past. You can't reach out to everyone, because some are unwilling to participate and help make change.
I'm 22 years old and feel like i'm 50. So much is expected of me from my family and my biggest fear of disappointment still lingers everywhere I go. I don't know what i'd do if I wasn't in school right now. I didn't start straight out of high school and for the whole duration of the year I took off I kept feeling like something in my life was unfullfilled or missing. When I finally came to my senses and realized that I was wasting the all the potential I had built from previous years of schooling I decided to apply for college. Still everywhere I go I feel this burden waying me down. I don't want to mess up and disappoint everyone in my family when they all think and I know that I can do this.
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