The Filthy Being I've Become
It was so cold in that old house in the middle of nowhere. The house itself was run down and nearing the end of it's long existence. The house was perfect at representing the entire town. A giant dump. I loved that house though. It was so big, with alot of rooms, and several bathrooms.
I was always pulling the blankets closer to my chest and rolling on the floor to create a cacoon of blankets for myself. It kept me the warmest possible, but it was always such a scary feeling knowing that I was so vulnerable in that position. It was even worse with the darkness factor included. We had lost power weeks ago and were struggling to keep up with the changing seasons.
It was always so quiet. My mother was barely speaking anymore. She had a puzzled look upon her face as I asked,
"I'm going to the store. Do you need anything?"
She just shook her head with a confused stare. It seemed as if all of our misfortunes had left her abandoning hope that our situation would get better. The walks to the store were becoming more and more unbearable everyday with the temperature decreasing as fast as it was. It was a mile walk to the store from my house, but it never seemed like it took very long.
My shirt and pants were stained severly in several areas as I walked into the R & M IGA. I hadn't been able to do my laundry in almost a month, but as people stared more and more at me I knew it was the dirt on my face that was drawing my attention. My lack of showering over the past weeks had made me the filthy being I had become. No running water, no heat, and no electricity had made me the filthy being I had become.
This has some juice to it! I like your jumping right in and offering us the meal without showing us a menu--works for me. Two changes I'd make: I'd drop "I loved that house though." I'm sure it's true but it undercuts the mood and tone of the rest of the piece and leaves a loose thread.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing I would have done differently is to double down on that repeated phrase in the last two sentences. Ideally, a third 'filthy being' sentence is needed at the close to really drive the point home.